Monday 31 October 2016

Blob Thing Unexpectedly Goes To War And Drives A Tank


It's not fair.  It really isn't.  My person has written thirteen posts on her own blog in the last week.  Thirteen!  And how many have I been able to write?  I'll tell you how many.  None.  None at all.  She keeps writing her own blog and then doesn't help me with mine.

I should say in her defence that it hasn't all been bad for me and Winefride.  We've had some fun in the last week.  We've been to Durham on an adventure.  Winefride has flown on a unicorn.  We've both swung in a hammock.  Winefride fell out unfortunately - and after my person said she would be okay too.  Silly person.  Today I have posed with a giant fungus.  We've had some fun.  My person went to a museum today.  I think she should go back so that Winefride and I can have some big adventures there.  I'd like that.  There was such a lot to see there and I think Winefride would especially enjoy it if our person took us to see the planetarium at the museum.  She would love it I think.

Today I want to tell you more about my adventure - before Winefride was even born - along the water from Manchester to Salford.  I was now officially in Trafford and we could see a very famous place called Old Trafford.  It wasn't the famous place called Old Trafford where people dress up in white and play a game for five days and then announce that the game was a draw because it rained.  Not that one.  It was the one where people dress up in red and get paid hundreds of thousands of pounds to kick a ball around for an hour and a half once a week.  I don't really understand sport but I am told that people get a lot of enjoyment watching people kick a ball around or try to hit a ball with a stick.  Anyway, this Old Trafford place is very famous apparently and important to a lot of people.  76,000 people can watch a ball game there.  Only 26,000 can watch a ball game in the other one.  I don't know whether that means there are 50,000 disappointed people whenever the ball and stick game is played or whether less people want to see the ball and stick game than the game with just a ball.  And some nets.  I understand that game has nets too.  I just don't understand it.  Playing on the swings is far more fun than watching people kick a ball.

So I was in Trafford with my person.  And we were walking alongside the water.  The other side of the water wasn't Trafford.  It was Salford.  Both of them are fords though so they might be similar.  We were glad to see Salford because it would be the end point of our walk and I wanted to have a rest and put my body up and have a nice drink.  I actually thought that there wouldn't be any more adventures that day because I had already had lots of adventures and I could see the end of the walk.  I was wrong.

As we walked we passed this building.  It's full of offices but I really liked it.


And then we found a museum in an even more spectacular building.  My person was obviously very tired because she didn't walk all the way round the outside and take photos of it.  One day she will because I want to take Winefride there and show it to her.  I want to show her all sorts of things.

This was the Imperial War Museum North.  I don't like war.  War is horrific, no matter the motives humans have for entering into situations in which they blow each other up.  Why do humans do that?  They're a very strange species.  Nobody in my species has ever harmed another from my species in any way.  Of course, my species only numbers two.  Winefride and me.  But we would never hurt each other and if our species grew to be a million small soft toys we wouldn't have a war.

This was a whole museum about war.  My person decided we should go and see what was inside because the building looked interesting and because it was free admission.  I didn't really want to go and learn about war but she insisted and I am glad that she did.

The building was wonderful.  I recommend visiting too.  Even if you don't look at any of the exhibits it is worth visiting just for the building.  I want to go back and get my person to take lots and lots of building photos.  And I have to say this.  Even though I don't like war I was very impressed by the museum.  It didn't proclaim that war is wonderful.  In fact it often said the opposite and there were sections looking at the suffering caused to ordinary people when there is a war.  There are lots of wars going on now and people killing each other for lots of reasons which seem to make some kind of sense to them.  I don't think my person would ever want to fight in a war.  She bought a book today about Quakers and I know they wouldn't want to fight.  I want to go back to visit the Quakers soon.  They were nice.  Winefride might not cope with the worship though.  I wonder if they would let her go and take part in the children's meeting and whether they would take photos of her.  She might like that and they're very inclusive.

On the wall of the main exhibition hall - which is an incredible room - there was this sculpture.  I really like the shape and all the prickly bits and the colour and the way it shines in the light.  I'm not quite sure what it's meant to be though.  Probably I could have found out and I know there was some information about it but I just wanted to look at it shiny and bright and full of shapes.


We saw lots of things as we walked round.  Some of the photos didn't come out well because it was quite dark in places and my person didn't want to use flash on her camera.  She didn't know whether she was actually allowed to take photos.  Here I am in front of a car.



This is me in front of a firewatchers shelter.  The sign behind me says that nobody is allowed to stand on the plinth.  But I am standing there.  I hope they don't find out or I might not be allowed back into the museum.
And then I saw something very impressive.  An armoured killing machine with a massive gun on the front.  This was a tank.


I asked if I could go and explore the tank and that's what I did.  I don't think I was meant to but I'm small and wasn't spotted by a security guard.  So I climbed up onto the tank and climbed in.  It smelled very funny in there.  I pressed and pulled levers and buttons and drove the tank all the way round the museum and then had to carefully steer and drive it back to where I started.  At least I think I did because I did lots of pressing and pulling.  I know for sure that I drove skillfully because when I climbed back out of the tank it was back where it had started.


Driving a tank was ever such an exciting experience.  I was very good though and didn't fire the big gun.  I didn't want to destroy the Imperial War Museum because that wouldn't have been fair at all and because it is in such a nice building.  Here's a picture of me posing in front of the wheels of the tank.  Aren't they big?


One last photo of the museum.  We have lots more on the computer and I like looking back at old photos of me.  Hey, it's my birthday today.   Did you know that?  I am ten months old today.

This is me in front of an aeroplane of a sort used in wars.  You can see that shiny bright sculpture behind it.  I knew what the aeroplane was.  But I preferred the sculpture.


It was time to leave the museum and head to Salford.  Journey's end.  And even there we would find more adventures before finally sitting down with that cup of tea.

I am glad my person agreed to help me with a blog post today.  Maybe in November she will be a bit better about helping me rather than getting distracted by her own blog post or by difficult things in her life.  I think I deserve to be helped and I was told yesterday - by a writer no less - that my blog is excellent.  I certainly like it.  I wonder what I'll talk about next.  I think I should talk more about God and autism and flowers and creativity and beauty and giraffes and I saw a narwhal today.  I did.  I saw a narwhal.  And a rhinoceros.  And a dinosaur.  And lots of birds on a lake.  And it was really enjoyable being out and the sun was shining.  That's a strange phrase too isn't it.  The sun was shining.  Well of course it was you silly!  It doesn't stop shining.  It's not as if the sun ceases to burn at night or goes out whenever a cloud is in front of it.  It's a silly phrase and I'm a bit embarrassed to have used it.  The sun was visible in the sky.  There.  Although: don't look at it or you'll hurt your eyes and might end up with Medjugorje Syndrome and you wouldn't want that would you?  Yes, it was a lovely day today in Newcastle.  Lovely.

Right.  That's it.  My person is telling me that I have to stop because she needs to put food in the oven otherwise nobody here will be eating tonight.  That would be sad.  I don't want to miss my dinner tonight because we didn't get fed when we were out.  My person didn't even buy ice creams for Winefride and me even though we passed a perfectly good ice cream source in the park.  Next time person, you should indulge us.  Thank you.




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