Blob Thing Encounters An Evangelical Phone Box But Is Not Converted

Blob Thing's person is far too exhausted this evening to type a blog post for him.  She felt rough this morning but still went out and socialised with people.  She's glad she did it but is now shattered inside through making such an effort.  Visiting a graveyard on the way home helped her and she took some pretty pictures there.  But it wasn't enough to overcome the drain caused by the social.

Blob wants to share something today that's already been shared by his person on Facebook.  He says that his person should be able to cope with a post that just includes what's already been shared because she has already typed it.  Blob says that he hopes to be able to write a proper post of his own tomorrow.  He might not post about the Literary and Philosophical Library though unless he can remember the exact details of his adventure there.  He knows it involved a chasing game with a dragon and a puffin.  And he knows that the chief librarian told them all off and threatened to throw Blob Thing out of the library and forced the dragon and the puffin to get back onto the covers of the children's books they had escaped from.  But Blob is a bit hazy on the details right now so he might write about something else - another adventure involving a chase, and one which he had with Winefride.  That was a very exciting time.  But it was just a little bit more than scary for a while because Winefride was worried that they would be sent to prison!

Today Blob thing says that he wants to reproduce this:

This is the evangelical phone box of Settle.

Blob's person photographed while at ‪Autscape‬.  On that day she had gone walking with Blob's creator and they had taken Blob and Winefride along with them.  On that day they all ate ice cream, played by the river, and went to a play area.  It was lovely.  On the walk back from Settle to Giggleswick they saw the evangelical phone box and because Blob's person is still a bit obsessive about the God she doesn't believe in any more and the faith she no longer practices they all had to go and look at it.

Yes.  An evangelical phone box.

Inside the box were some leaflets about God and Jesus and church things, and a walking guide to the area in which you stopped off at various important spots and at every single church.  At every stop there was a little prayer.

Also inside the box was a quotation.  A direct quotation.  From God.

'Life is short, eternity is not.' - God


You may wonder about the veracity of that quote because it isn't in the Bible or in any other of the main books that God is alleged to have written.

But Blob's person - with a bit of help from Blob - has been looking carefully into events and can report that it is not invented.

The evangelical phone box got the direct quote from God after he won an amazing treble, scooping the 50p first prize at each of fudge making, the large vegetable competition, and the adult sack race. That was at a local festival in 2011.

Afterwards God said to the phone box in an interview for the BBC (filmed but never broadcast) that he was very proud of his achievement and would treasure his winner's cards for "a very long time because although life is short, eternity is not."

The interview was later printed in a local paper and God is pictured with his cards. Next to him is a local dignitary who is holding up God's enormous cucumber above his head.

God has since sold his house in ‪#‎Settle‬ and moved north to Dentdale. He wanted to downsize and live somewhere quieter. He hasn't bothered pinning up his cards in the new house. They're in a box up in his attic. Forgotten.

So God didn't keep his promise. But the evangelical telephone box carries on quoting him. And the quote was out of context to begun with. Evangelical telephone boxes will do anything to sell a message.

It is good to know the truth about these things. Otherwise people might continue to doubt that God ever said these words in Settle.

There's that phone box again - an inside view.  In the corner of the picture you can see a little piece of Blob's creator.  He hastens to say that all the other pieces of his creator were safely attached to that piece.  The evangelical phone box had not cut her into pieces.  So don't worry!

Blob quite likes the message that "God heart you."  He doesn't believe it though because he doesn't believe in a sky God being who actively loves.  Blob does believe in love though.  He agrees with the Bible that God is love.  He just doesn't believe in a theistic interpretation of what God is.

Blob Thing would say that wherever love is to be found, that which we may call god is to be found.

Blob would say that whenever we express true love, we express that which we may call god.

And thus the god of love, love itself, is found within and without, in the depths of our beautiful hearts and in the awesome wonder of the world around us.

Blob would say that god is love.  He would also say that god is not just love.  In the grandeur of the mountain there is no love expressed.  And yet god is there too.  God meets god when we express love and adoration for that grandeur.

That's what Blob says.  And because he says all that, it's possible that he doesn't quite believe all that he and his person wrote on Facebook about that direct quotation in the evangelical phone box - any more than they believed the can of Irn-Bru they saw today that claims it's "been bru'd to a secret recipe since 1901" and yet contains such wonderments as Ponceau 4R, a synthetic colouring that is banned in the USA, and Sunset Yellow.  [Also note that it says bru'd.  The drink was once called Iron Brew.  But they had to stop calling it Brew because it's not brewed.

The Food Standards Agency asked food manufacturers in 2008 to voluntarily remove additives such as these from foods.  But they're still in Irn-Bru.  The manufacturer agreed to remove them.  But that was in January 2010 and they haven't done it.  Naughty manufacturer.  This does not stop Blob's person from drinking the stuff every now and again.  It may have all kinds of crap in it.  It may contain 32 flavouring agents and Blob would suspect that not all of them were in the 1901 recipe. 

But it's tasty!

Blob's person has learned while reading about the 32 flavouring agents about the transphobic advertising campaign that ran for Irn-Bru.  Maybe it's time to stop drinking such utter crud.  Blob is instructing his person:  Never drink Irn-Bru again.  Blob thing points out too that the only iron in irn-bru (which was advertised as "made from girders") is in the form of a 0.002% addition of ammonium ferric citrate which isn't usually what girders are made from.  Blob is doing his very best to convince his person not to drink the stuff again.  She's complaining because it is tasty and she likes it.  But Blob is adamant.  Adamant.  This argument will run well past a blog post.

Blob wishes to apologise that his deep thinking about spirituality suddenly turned to talking about a soft drink.  Blob Thing has never drunk Irn-Bru.  He never will.  He doesn't like the colour.  Tea has good colours.  Hot chocolate has wonderful colours.  But he doesn't like the way Irn-Bru doesn't just look like rusty iron, it looks like luminous rusty iron.

Blob doesn't think the saying "God is luminous rusty iron" is quite as catchy as "God is love."

He's going to stick with "God is love."


[1343 words]

Blob Thing Looks Back to Autscape, Forward to Greenbelt And Fails To Write His Blog

Blob Thing and Winefride arrived back from Autscape last night.  They were both very tired after four very full days that turned out to be quite emotional for both of them and for Blob's person too.  Blob wishes that he could have found the time to write a blog post every day he was away but he just didn't have enough time.  He didn't have enough internet access either.  But that's another story.

Blob is having a lot of trouble concentrating to write a blog post today too.  It's as if the days away from writing have made it a lot more difficult for him to write today.  It is said that a writer should write at least something every day.  Blob might be finding out the hard way that there is much truth to that.  Today his head is such that words aren't coming.

Blob will talk about the Autscape experience later.  There is a lot to say.  He wants to talk about the food, the countryside, the time he went rock climbing, and the time he and Winefride scaled the summit of Mount Everest.  He wants to talk about playing in the river and getting a little nervous when Winefride crossed the river and sat in a tree.  He wants to talk about badge decorating and playing on the swings.  He wants to talk about meeting a Dalek, and the tin man, a fisherman, a dog, a soldier, an elephant and more animals too.  He wants to talk about the sensory room at Autscape and about Sparklies in the Dark.  And he has quite a lot to say about the journey to Autscape, including a ride along the Settle to Carlisle railway.  And of course he wants to talk about the moose.  The moose proved an extreme disappointment to Blob Thing.

Blob ate a lot of food at Autscape.  He was more than a bit greedy.

You can see here that he's decorated with the fruits of the spirit.  There's no coconut sticker of course because the fruit of the spirit's not a coconut.

Yes, Blob wants to talk about all of those things.  For those who don't know, Autscape is a four day conference and gathering of autistic people - with a few non-autistic people along for the ride.  It's the only such event of its kind anywhere in Europe.  Blob's person went there for the first time last year.  If she hadn't gone there then Blob would not exist.  Neither would Winefride.  Blob and Winefride are therefore extremely grateful for Autscape.

Here's Winefride by the River Ribble.   She was ever so brave to sit so close to the water.  Blob and his person got a bit frantic because they didn't want her to be washed away.  That would have been a tragedy.  Fortunately Winefride now has a set of reins so she can't run off and do too many very dangerous things.


The whole experience of attending was quite emotional.  It is easy to get overwhelmed there and Blob's person was in tears every day and had to take special efforts to look after herself otherwise there would have been totally public meltdowns.  She had greatly wanted to take part in an art workshop but found being there very traumatic indeed and had to leave very urgently.  The person in charge had said to draw something that represents her.  Blob's person couldn't cope.

After spending time lying on her bed in tears Blob suggested that he should take her and Winefride out for a walk.  So that's what they did and soon the three companions stood out on a hill under the blue sky, sitting silent in the quiet of nature.  Blob's person relaxed enough to take photos and decided that maybe that there she was among the things which represented her.  Nature.  Photos.  Her friends.  Quiet.  And the chance to write about it later.   Blob's person realised today that nearly every piece of art she has completed in the last year is based as much around words as around images.

Blob and Winefride both discovered they liked hot chocolate.  It was so tasty.  And they drank vast quantities of it.  Blob's person did too.

But only from the machine on the left.

The chocolate from the machine on the right was utterly disgusting.


Blob is still very tired today but he's been out adventuring.  Blob's person was going to a meditation group and Blob and Winefride went along too.  Unfortunately Blob's person wasn't feeling good this morning so arrived at the meditation place in quite a melty state and was unable to join the group at all.  Instead she sat in silence for ages before using her text to speech app to say farewell to the only other person in the room.  She then left.  And returned.  And drank tea and ate food and talked with that person and then with a very good friend who arrived.

Blob and Winefride didn't get to experience the group today but they hope to in the future.  It didn't stop them adventuring though.  Blob wore a suit of armour and they both enjoyed the fabulous views from the windows.  Later Blob's person took them to an art gallery in the same building.  It was amazing and they were the only three visitors.  Most people in Newcastle probably don't know that there is an art gallery there or that it's worth visiting.  For Blob, Winefride and his person too, the highlight today was a quiet video of a river.  It was an excellent place to sit and find some stillness before facing the city streets.

Another reason why this post is proving difficult - apart from the tiredness and the writer's block forged in a few days of not writing - is that the weather is a little damp.  Blob's person broke her finger seven years ago and needed surgery under general anaesthetic to try to fix the bone.  There was always a chance that it wouldn't work properly.  It didn't.  Her finger still aches and on some days typing hurts quite a bit.  Holding the finger out of the way would hurt too.  She made a finger splint recently out of a special plastic but can't find it and needs to make another.  Hopefully that will help her because she wants to write her own blog too.

Today Blob Thing wants to finish off his discussion of his adventures at the Literary and Philosophical Library in Newcastle.

Yes.  That's what I want to do.  I'm just so tired.  I'm going away again in a week too and that will be a very tiring time too.  And then a week after that I'm going away yet again and that's going to be the most tiring time of them all in some ways because I think I'm going to have to spend a lot of time looking after my person who is going to be doing something that needs to be done but which she is not looking forward to in the slightest.  In truth I think she wants to move on from much of her past entirely and leave it behind, to cut herself off from it.  There are decades back there in which even the best day was tinged with pain and a shadow inside and looking back to those years and those places is sometimes very hard for her.  I am quite worried about whether going back will have a bad effect on her.  A year ago she was meant to be going there and completely fell apart over it and just refused to go for the sake of her own well being.  I am very glad she did that.  My creator is very glad too.

It's so hard to write today.  I've got lots more photos of the library to share.  But as for writing.  How am I expected to do that today?  I just need to rest.  I know my person is going out again tomorrow and I don't know whether Winefride and I will be going with her.  I think she might need looking after again and might have trouble coping with the social environment she's putting herself into.  If she has too much trouble I want to be there to tell her that it's okay to leave and she doesn't have to force herself to soldier on through to the end.  Soldier on through.  I would prefer a different phrase there, I really would.  I don't want my person to be a soldier or to go to war or to carry guns and point them at people.

Then she's going out the next day too.  She's got a medical appointment that will be a bit stressful.  And I want to be there to hold her hand during that.  She wants a certain outcome from the appointment but it didn't happen last time.  Or the time before that.  Or the time before that.  She's been waiting ever such a long time for this outcome - an outcome she was (at least in theory) legally entitled to two years ago.  Hopefully this time they will say yes.  Otherwise she'll be waiting until next year before they consider it again.  I know that in some ways she doesn't particularly care about it.  In other ways she finds it to be very frustrating indeed.

And then the day after that she's going out too.  I'm going to be there for that one.  She has an appointment for electrolysis and I know she doesn't like that at all.  I will hold her hand throughout that appointment and we'll also have Pain the Bear with us.  He's a very good person to have along for painful appointments.

I hope that we can rest after that.  Or find some lovely weather and go for a walk.  I love our walks.  And I know that they are very good for my person.  She could do with a long walk.  We won't have much time to rest because I am taking my person to Greenbelt and we leave at the end of the week.  My person has never been to a festival before.  Unless you include the Jesus Army festivals she used to go to many years ago.  But those were different.  You stayed in a house.  And you had a choice of one event at a time.  It's not a festival like Greenbelt is.  I don't know how she will take to it.  I'll be there with her every step of the way of course and Winefride is coming too and we'll also have my creator with me.

I think it likely that I'll be going along with my person to do what she wants to do and Winefride will go along with my creator.  My creator seems to love Winefride a lot.  My creator took special care of her at Autscape and even made her some reins.  That's good.  Winefride doesn't quite understand how dangerous roads are or about other dangers.  She's got reins now so she can't run off and get run over by a car.  I have to admit that's quite a relief to me.  I don't want to lose my sister.  I love my sister.  She's so cute.  She's very happy too because she's got a badge now.  I think she was a bit jealous of my badge that says 'Autistic' and now she has an 'Autistic Pride' badge.  She looks magnificent wearing it.  I think she's magnificent anyway.

Well.  I haven't even started talking about the Literary and Philosophical Library today and it's time to stop.  Sorry about that.  I haven't even shared a photo.  I'll go back and put a few pictures in now.  They're all from Autscape.  Except for this one.  This picture was taken this morning while the meditation group was going on and while my person wasn't able to go.  There's a version of this photo with me posing and smiling my biggest smile.  But here it is without me.  You might think that improves the picture.  I quite like it without me.  But I do like to see the photos that my person takes of me and Winefride.  They bring back so many good memories.

That's it.  No library today.  But Blob's person thinks that he did pretty well for a very tired soft toy.  Her finger is aching more than she would like.  But Blob tells her that she might have her aching finger but she is lucky because she has fingers.  And thumbs.  And hands.  And arms.  And legs.  [Okay Blob, you can stop now.  You've made your point.]



[2100 words.  I don't think we should call that "fails to write his blog."]