One afternoon Blob was sitting at home with his person. She was feeling quite miserable at home but it seemed as though it would be even harder that day to be somewhere else. But she was bored too and that only made things worse for her. Blob looked upon her sympathetically. He suggested that she go out for a walk. She refused. She wouldn't even consider Blob's suggestion because it was raining a bit. She was miserable. But she didn't want to be miserable and wet.
Blob decided that it would do his person good if she went somewhere so he suggested looking online at the long list of events she had declared an interest in. Blob's person declares an interest in a lot of events. Most of the time though she don't get to the events. Either she is busy. Or she just hasn't got the mental capacity to deal with attending. She listened to Blob's suggestion and then said that she couldn't face looking. Instead she lay back on her bed and pulled a blanket over her head. She wanted to be in darkness, in silence. Even if that didn't seem to be doing anything to ease her miserable state.
Blob wasn't going to put up with his person doing nothing to get free of the gloom in her head. If the dark and silence was helping her - as they very often did - then that would be one thing. But she wasn't being helped at all and was instead slipping further towards despair. He decided that he would take the initiative and look at the events list himself. He was pleased to find that right at the top was an event lasting much of the day.
It was mental health week and an organisation Blob's person had some experience with was organising a day with talks and workshops at the Roman fort in Wallsend. Blob suggested this to his person. They should go. It might be good for her. And there would be free food. Grudgingly, Blob's person took the blanket from over her and sat up to take a look at the description of the event. She admitted that she had been meaning to go but had completely forgotten about it and didn't really feel up to it. Blob didn't want to accept this answer and eventually he managed to convince his person to come out with him. They would go to the fort. Or at least to part of the museum built at the fort.
They arrived very late. And then they found that the programme of events at the day had been altered and they had missed the workshops. When they arrived, a collaborative poetry session was in progress. That would have been fun, just as it was at a happiness day Blob's person had been too many months before. She was still secretly glad they had come out though. She met a few people she had met before. She got to eat some food. And the talks and information available was interesting.
And then, as they were leaving, something good happened. A person Blob's person had seen only once before and never spoken to before, a woman named Natalia, accosted her on the stairs and said, "Would you like this voucher? It runs out today and I won't be able to use it." Blob's person likes vouchers for free things. Natalia looked at the voucher and realised that far from running out that day it hadn't yet become valid. But she kindly gave the voucher to Blob's person anyway. It was for a free hot drink and piece of cake at a shop Blob Thing hadn't heard of - John Lewis. Blob's person said it was a very big shop in Newcastle. Blob thought it was amazing that a very big shop could be named after a person but his person told him that quite a lot of shops were named after the people who founded them rather than after the products they sold. Blob spent much of the evening wondering what kind of a shop it would be if there was one called Blob Thing.
A few weeks had passed. The voucher, though it languished in a pocket in Blob's person's bag, was not forgotten. She wanted to use it. But she wanted to use it when the cafe in the shop would be quiet, for her own comfort. And she wanted to use it when she was in the city centre anyway. Though she loved free cake, the idea of traipsing into town solely to and eat one slice of cake in a department store cafe was not worth consideration.
Finally, the day had come. Blob's person would be in town during the day. And then she would be free in the middle of the afternoon when the lunch crowds would be gone. Blob was pleased. He was hoping that his person would decide to be generous and let him eat at least part of the cake. He likes cake too. On the way to the cafe, Blob and his person paused to look at books in the local bookshop. His person decided that there should be a picture of Blob with the voucher so he could look back and celebrate. Blob posed for the camera in front of some self help books that they weren't wanting to buy.
The two friends left the bookshop and headed into the much more stressful atmosphere of John Lewis. A large department store will always be more stressful for Blob and his person than a bookshop. Together they managed to navigate the shop to one of the cafes. Success. That's not something that's guaranteed. Even walking through the entrance of a place like John Lewis is an achievement both for Blob and his person. It's hard. It's just another of the many difficulties of being autistic. Most people don't know how hard it is for them and mostly they don't say. Instead they both battle on through the struggles and do their best to show few outward signs to the world. It is incredibly tiring but Blob's person has spent most of her life living out the art of mostly appearing to be okay.
Blob's person doesn't like department stores much. She gets lost in them and finds them confusing. She likes to know at all times exactly how to get out of a place, how to reach the outside world and when shopping she needs to know how escape the atmosphere of a shop. She doesn't like large shopping malls either for the same reasons. A large department store within a large shopping mall is a double stress for her head. Getting lost there is something to induce much anxiety. She doesn't like crowds either or the aural and visual noise they make. A crowded large department store within a crowded large shopping mall is a very stressful thing indeed.
Blob's person, thinking she can cope with anything, has often headed off gung ho into such scenarios. And she has been okay for a while at least. But then, suddenly - at least it feels that way - she is not okay at all. She cannot cope. Panic rises up. And it takes everything she has not to shutdown or meltdown on the spot. She has to leave the shop and leave the shopping mall and it takes every bit of her energy to make it out to daylight and then try to reach a quieter place. She knows she has to get out. And she has to do it as quickly as she can.
Staying in that environment and giving up would be far easier in the short term. But then she would be faced with the problem of not being able to get out at all and she doesn't want to deal with that and the social aspect of having to communicate with a helpful stranger at such a time would be another stress that she would have great difficulty with in a state of shutdown.
Yes. John Lewis is a difficult place for Blob's person. It's an easier place for Blob because if he wishes he can just ride along in his person's bag and doesn't have to deal with the environment. They're sure it's a good shop. Certainly a lot of people seem to like it and it does seem to sell all kinds of useful things. It's just a difficult place for them and there's not much that anyone could do about that.
Well this post hasn't gone to plan has it? Blob was planning on sitting with his person and writing about the tea and cake they enjoyed. That hasn't worked out quite as intended. Together they have written nearly 1500 words and they have only got as far as arriving at the cafe. Blob hasn't done what he wanted to do. And for that he is placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of his person. It's her fault not his.
He promises that he'll write about tea and cake tomorrow. For now he will leave you with this picture of the treat they shared that day. He might include the same picture tomorrow alongside some others. John Lewis is difficult. But difficulties are sometimes worth it for the sake of cake.
[1557 words]
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